March 26 2018

By: Jackie Hook
Monday, March 26, 2018

In addition to making things matter with choices shortly after death, Alan Wolfelt, an author, educator and grief counselor, says that one of the needs of mourners is to search for meaning and “make it matter.” This search can involve questioning your faith and spirituality, asking “Why?” and “How?” and looking for purpose and meaning in your life. Wolfelt tells mourners to express this search outside of themselves to help find their way.

As I companion people involved in this search, I encourage them to be gentle with themselves and live the questions. I often quote Rainer Maria Rilke from Letters to a Young Poet:

I want to beg you as much as you can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Many people living the questions do what they can to make things matter for themselves and in honor of their loved ones. Some try to live their best life; others try to make the world a better place.  And others work to make a difference in the lives of those close to them.

A tool that can help you have conversations around what matters most is the Have the Talk of a Lifetime deck of cards. Please check our Gatherings & Events page for upcoming opportunities to learn about these cards.

(First printed in the Gazette on February 22, 2018)

 

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

January 14 2019

How Do You Speak Grief? As we discussed last week, based on Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages, Dr. Alan Wolfelt believes we each have one of five preferred ways for others to support us in our...

January 7 2019

Our theme this month is How Do You Speak Grief? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages book, we each feel most loved by others in one of these five ways: Receiving Gift...

December 31 2018

We wish you a Happy New Year’s Eve! As you navigate this holiday, here are the P’s of our BERP tips: Plan ahead with several options Participate or Pass, it’s your choice and only for now, it c...

December 24, 2018

For those of you celebrating, Merry Christmas Eve! For those of you grieving a loved one, we hope you find some Meaningful Moments and make new Memories today. To help you find healing, we’ll conti...

December 17 2018

Moving to the E of the BERP Tips for healing through the holidays we have: Expect hope, love, light and life to appear, if only briefly, AND different experiences for yourself and others Setti...

December 10 2018

As we continue with our theme of Meaningful Memories and Moments, we’ll begin with the B of the BERP tips to remember through the holidays: Balance grieving and participating with life AND havin...

December 3 2018

Our theme this month is Meaningful Memories and Moments! When you’ve lost a loved one, the holiday season can be challenging. You think about the Meaningful Memories and Moments you had with your l...

November 26 2018

Tomorrow is National Day of Giving. #GivingTuesday is a global day dedicated to giving back. On the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, charities, families, businesses, community centers and students aroun...

November 19 2018

A counselor ed class of Penn State graduate students recently spent a couple of hours asking one another meaningful questions such as: What is something very few people know about you? Did your her...

November 12 2018

From All Hallows’ Eve, Halloween, All Saints’ Day, All Souls’ Day, and Día de los Muertos, through Veterans Day, World Kindness Day, Thanksgiving, National Day of Listening and National Day of Givi...