July 11 2022

Releasing regrets can be an important part of the dying and grief journeys. And this often involves forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves and others can be challenging. I appreciate Everett Worthington’s REACH model:

R - Recall the hurt without fantasies about revenge or feelings of victimization. Be kind to yourself and seek help if needed. 

E - Empathize with the offender and try to see their perspective. Look for an explanation that will help you let go. Also recognize times when you hurt others.

A – Altruism.  Give the altruistic gift of forgiveness.  Remember the gratitude and freedom you felt when someone gave you the forgiveness gift and give this same gift to the offender. 

C - Commit to forgive the offender. Hold yourself accountable by telling someone or writing it in a journal or letter to the offender you don’t send. 

H - Hold onto forgiveness when you still remember the hurt.  Remind yourself of your decision to forgive and spend more time with the REACH steps.