2021 - January - Gazette - Heartfelt Support

By: Jackie Naginey Hook
Thursday, January 28, 2021

Heartfelt Support

Many of you may know that the root of the word courage is “cor,” the Latin word for heart. It takes courage to listen to our hearts.

Fortunately for us, our brains are used to listening to our hearts all the time. According to the HeartMath Institute, our hearts send more signals to our brains than our brains send to our hearts.

In my work, I have the honor and privilege to be with people nearing death, people who have a loved one dying, and people whose loved one has died. I often invite these people to listen to their hearts. At a time when it feels like their hearts are breaking, it takes courage for them to turn to their heart for guidance. Sometimes I’ve seen that courage lead to heartfelt decisions such as:

  • Families bring loved ones home to spend their final days.
  • A husband welcomes others at his wife’s bedside vigil, then welcomes the time he spends with her alone. 
  • Families have difficult conversations about RUGS – Regrets, Unfinished business, Guilt and Shame.
  • Families hold masked and physically distant services, and open them up with remote viewing to loved ones around the world.
  • Support group participants who share stories, tears, and even laughter.

When we listen to our grieving hearts, they often tell us we need support from others. Grief is an individual journey that is best done in community. However, being a part of that community can be challenging.

In one of our support series, we asked the group to think of the person who had been most supportive of them on their grief journeys. Without fail, each person spoke of someone who had experienced a great loss themselves. But if we haven’t experienced a great loss ourselves, how do we know how to best support ourselves and others?

Here again, we can listen to our hearts. Our hearts know how to be a compassionate and healing presence. Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., created the philosophy of grief companioning. Companioning is about…

  1. Being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
  2. Going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
  3. Honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.
  4. Listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
  5. Bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
  6. Walking alongside; it is not about leading.
  7. Discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling up every moment with words.
  8. Being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
  9. Respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
  10. Learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
  11. Compassionate curiosity; it is not about expertise.

Whether we are grieving ourselves or companioning others in their grief, we can listen to our hearts and provide heartfelt support. Humans have been grieving for centuries and are hardwired to do it.

If you would like to learn more about heartfelt support, please visit our blog on the Koch Funeral Home website. And if you would like to attend one of our heartfelt gatherings, more information is below:

For more information, please visit the Bereavement Gatherings and Events page on the Koch Funeral Home website. To reserve your spot and receive the invitation links, email Jackie@JackieHook.com, call 814-404-0546 or visit the Koch Funeral Home Facebook page @kochFH.

As we think about being courageous and listening to our hearts, consider these words from Henri Nouwen, a writer and Catholic priest:

Drinking our cup is not simply adapting ourselves to a bad situation and trying to use it as well as we can. Drinking our cup is a hopeful, courageous, and self-confident way of living. It is standing in the world with head erect, solidly rooted in the knowledge of who we are, facing the reality that surrounds us and responding to it from our hearts.

Jackie Naginey Hook, MA, is a spiritual director, celebrant and end-of-life doula.  She coordinates the Helping Grieving Hearts Heal program through Koch Funeral Home in State College.  For more information, please call 814-237-2712 or visit www.kochfuneralhome.com.

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

2021 - April - Gazette - Tending Your Inner Garden

Tending Your Inner Garden Wow, each spring I’m surprised. I forget how beautiful things are as nature comes back to life and I’m filled with wonder again and again. The vibrant colors of flowering...

2021 - April - CDT - Helping Hands

After I officiated at a relative’s memorial service a few years ago, an out-of-town family member shared with me about his wishes concerning his own death. He said he wanted to be cremated without ...

2021 - March - Gazette - Leaning into Sorrow

Leaning into Sorrow I will never forget the time I was chatting with a group of people around a hi-top table at an evening fundraiser and was asked about my work. I explained that I work with Koch...

2021 - March - CDT - Active Life

Comfort on Both Sides of the Parting A very wise woman recently told me that many wedding vows are inaccurate. When the couple commits to “until death do us part,” that doesn’t include the whole s...

2021 - February - Gazette - Masculine and Feminine Grieving

 Masculine and Feminine Grieving HEART – Helping Empty Arms Recover Together – is a support group that Jenn Stubbs and I facilitate for individuals and couples who have experienced pregnancy ...

2021 - January - CDT - Helping Hands

  Everyone in Happy Valley is very grateful for the many helping hands in our community, especially during this pandemic. We’re continually in awe of all the first responders who put their he...

2020 - December - Gazette - Pieces of Me

Pieces of Me When our son was little, the two of us had a nightly practice called “Most Grateful, Least Grateful.” As I helped him settle into bed, we would both think through our day and share on...

2020 - November - Gazette - Searching for Meaning

Searching for Meaning Experts who study grief suggest that people who are grieving have a need to search for meaning. Meaning helps them understand the nature of their grief - the what, why, when ...

2020 - October - Gazette - Healing Through the Holidays

Healing Through the Holidays Who knew the Pope tweeted? Apparently I haven’t been in the know. With so much darkness in the news these days, I was happy when I recently came across Maria Shriver's...

2020 - October - CDT - Active Life

Whole, But Not the Same I’m a big fan of each of the four different seasons – spring, summer, fall and winter. For 13 years I lived in Orlando, Florida, and missed the significant changes in seaso...