2021 - April - CDT - Helping Hands

By: Jackie Naginey Hook
Thursday, April 22, 2021

After I officiated at a relative’s memorial service a few years ago, an out-of-town family member shared with me about his wishes concerning his own death. He said he wanted to be cremated without any services – no visitation or funeral service before the cremation, and no burial or memorial service afterwards. During our conversation, I asked him how long his drive home would be the next day. He said it was going to be several hours longer than normal because he was driving out of his way to visit his mother's grave.

An interesting dichotomy. He traveled a distance to attend a memorial service and was driving home an even longer distance to visit his mother’s grave, but he wanted to be cremated with no services or marker for himself. I understand the reasoning. Sometimes we think asking our relatives to have services for us will be a burden on them and we don’t want them to be sad about our deaths. But as this story illustrates, services and final resting places are healing for the living and do mean something to those left behind. When the funeral directors at Koch Funeral Home guide people through preplanning their after-death care, the directors encourage these individuals to make some choices, but to leave some for loved ones so they can choose what will be most healing for them. After-death care is about honoring the dead, but also very much about comforting the living.

This story of my relative keeps popping into my mind as we navigate the pandemic. We often hear how we need to stay strong while these challenges continue. I know there are many people who have been heeding the guidelines and staying away from all gatherings. What's ironic is it’s during these challenging times when we need each other even more!

And then when you add a death during the pandemic, regardless of the manner of dying, the need is even greater. The importance of coming together, honoring a life and supporting one another in our grief is beyond words. As physician and author, Rachel Naomi Remen said, “We heal best in community.” If you look at the history of humankind, you'll find that funerals and grieving in community have been there all along.

It's never too late to honor your loved ones and your grief. Countless times people have told me how gathering together in some way helped them heal. Please visit our Because Love Can't Wait and Helping Grieving Hearts Heal programs at www.kochfuneralhome.com to learn about the many safe options we have for services both virtually and in person with masks and social distance. You can also learn about our grief support programs. 

Jackie Naginey Hook, MA, is a spiritual director, celebrant and end-of-life doula. She coordinates the Helping Grieving Hearts Heal program through Koch Funeral Home in State College.  For more information, please call 814-237-2712 or visit www.kochfuneralhome.com.

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

2023 - May - Gazette - Med-KNIT-ations

Med-Knit-ations There was a lot going on in my world one day a few weeks ago. My 92-year-old father was in the hospital with heart issues, and I had two presentations to make that day at the local...

2023 - April - Gazette - Bereaved Mother's Day

Bereaved Mother’s Day I used to dread Mother’s Day. Of course I was always very grateful for my mother and wanted to celebrate her. But during the years when my husband and I were dealing with fer...

2023 - March - Gazette - Going Home

Going Home “Going home is powerful.” F. Glenn Fleming, Koch Funeral Home funeral director and supervisor, shared these words at a recent community presentation for those interested in preparing f...

2023 - March - CDT - Helping Hands - Programs to Move Grief to the Outside

One of my roles with Koch Funeral Home’s “Helping Grieving Hearts Heal” program is to create safe places to give people an opportunity to move their grief from the inside to the outside. Each time ...

2023 - March - CDT - Good Life - A Grief Education and Support Series

A Grief Education and Support Series I could see some of the participants holding back tears as we began introductions at the grief education and support group. The invitation was to share their n...

2023 - February - Gazette - Organ Donation

Organ Donation Full circle moments sometimes surprise us. Breanne Radin Yeckley is a funeral director at Koch Funeral Home who, during her college years, played soccer at Gannon University in Eri...

2023 - February - Learning to Live: What's Your Story?

Fully-Alive and Soul-Fed Storytelling It was a cold, rainy night last week when ten people arrived at my house and began mingling around the snack table. After 30 minutes of small-talk we moved in...

2023 - January - Gazette - Choices in the care of the deceased

Choices in the care of the deceased I received a call from the daughter of a 96-year-old woman who had died. The daughter was looking for someone to officiate at her mother’s funeral service,...

2023 - January - Town & Gown - Loss, Grief, Gratitude and Humor

Loss, Grief, Gratitude and Humor When I was invited to write a piece for the Pink Zone insert, I wondered what I could say to be helpful. I have never had breast cancer or been treated with c...

2022 - December - Gazette - Resolutions or Intensions

Resolutions or Intentions I’ve never been a person who is drawn to making New Year’s resolutions. Primarily because if I want to make a change in myself, I’ll make the change when I realize I want...