February 19 2018

By: Jackie Hook
Monday, February 19, 2018

Sharing Your Heart can feel scary or threatening – you are allowing yourself to be very vulnerable. That is exactly why we work hard to make our support gatherings safe places. We do this by following Parker Palmer’s Circle of Trust Touchstones for Safe and Trustworthy Space:

  • Give and receive welcome. People learn best in hospitable spaces. In this circle we support each other’s learning by giving and receiving hospitality.
  • Be present as fully as possible. Be here with your doubts, fears and failings as well as your convictions, joys and successes, your listening as well as your speaking.
  • What is offered in the circle is by invitation, not demand. This is not a “share or die” event! Do whatever your soul calls for, and know that you do it with our support. Your soul knows your needs better than we do.
  • Speak your truth in ways that respect other people’s truth. Our views of reality may differ, but speaking one’s truth in a circle of trust does not mean interpreting, correcting or debating what others say. Speak from your center to the center of the circle, using “I” statements, trusting people to do their own sifting and winnowing.
  • No fixing, saving, advising or correcting each other. This is one of the hardest guidelines for those of us who like to “help.” But it is vital to welcoming the soul, to making space for the inner teacher.
  • Learn to respond to others with honest, open questions. Do not respond with counsel or corrections. Using honest, open questions helps us “hear each other into deeper speech.”
  • When the going gets rough, turn to wonder. Turn from reaction and judgment to wonder and compassionate inquiry. Ask yourself, “I wonder why they feel/think this way?” or “I wonder what my reaction teaches me about myself?” Set aside judgment to listen to others—and to yourself—more deeply.
  • Attend to your own inner teacher. We learn from others, of course. But as we explore poems, stories, questions and silence in a circle of trust, we have a special opportunity to learn from within. So pay close attention to your own reactions and responses, to your most important teacher.
  • Trust and learn from the silence. Silence is a gift in our noisy world, and a way of knowing in itself. Treat silence as a member of the group. After someone has spoken, take time to reflect without immediately filling the space with words.
  • Observe deep confidentiality. Safety is built when we can trust that our words and stories will remain with the people with whom we choose to share, and are not repeated to others without our permission.
  • Know that it’s possible to leave the circle with whatever it was that you needed when you arrived, and that the seeds planted here can keep growing in the days ahead.

© Center for Courage & Renewal, founded by Parker J. Palmer. 

As Parker Palmer said, “A small circle of limited duration that is intentional about its process will have a deeper, more life-giving impact than a large, ongoing community that is shaped by the norms of conventional culture.” Please visit our Gatherings and Events page for upcoming safe places.

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

December 4 2023

This month’s theme is “Dare! Silence.” Silence is very important throughout our lives, especially on our grief journeys. Silence can be intimidating, and we often try to fill it when we encounter i...

November 27 2023

To close this month, please read Anne Hillman’s poem, “We Look With Uncertainty” as you notice “something new is being born in” you while making new treasured memories. We look with uncertainty be...

November 20 2023

My favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. In terms of the meanings behind other holidays, I’m all in. But I can do without their hype and commercialization. So as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, ...

November 13 2023

As I was writing this month’s posts about our theme of “Memories Become Treasures,” the song “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac started to play. When our youngest child went off to college, this song mad...

November 6 2023

This month’s theme is “Memories Become Treasures.” In a recent grief education and support group I was leading we talked about looking at old photographs of deceased loved ones and how those pictur...

October 30 2023

To close out this month, read these words of poet John O'Donohue: The dead are not distant or absent. They are alongside us. When we lose someone to death, we lose their physical image and presenc...

October 23 2023

In the book, A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis wrote: “And suddenly at the very moment when, so far, I mourned H. least, I remembered her best. Indeed it was something (almost) better than memory; an i...

October 16 2023

In connection with our theme, “I Am Gone but Very Near,” I’ve recently learned that in the Aramaic language, the word death means “existing elsewhere.” For some people, the death of a loved one mea...

October 9 2023

Nathasha Wagner once said, "I had to learn to have a relationship with someone who wasn’t there anymore." That can feel like an impossible feat, but grief shows us how. When listening to grief, mou...

October 2 2023

Welcome to this month’s theme of “I Am Gone but Very Near.” We all have our own beliefs about what happens after we die. Some of us believe in Heaven, others in reincarnation, still others in no af...